First, a quick run down. An Olympic triathlon is 1500m swim, 40km bike and a 10km run. This is how it went:

After a rainy Friday night, I woke up to blue sky and I knew it would be a beautiful day. It was! Getting ready for the swim, we were smiling and having fun.

Out of all three of the events, I was feeling best about my swim. This year I’ve really improved my stroke and my swimming has become a lot stronger. I was confident going into the lake, thinking to myself, “You got this.”

Turns out, I did not ‘have this’. I’m not exactly sure what happened, but I panicked in the water. I couldn’t catch my breath, there were people everywhere and at one point, I felt as if I was going to go under. WTF?! I’m a strong swimmer. This shouldn’t have happened. But it did. At one point I considered calling the boat over and saying F*** it. There were many thoughts going through my head, fortunately one of them was, “Just keep friggin’ swimming, Elena!”

So I did.

It took me about 700m to calm down and get in my groove, but once I got it, I was fine. Then of course the swim was over.

On to the bike. It was windy heading straight West into the mountains, and a slight uphill all the way. For the first few kilometers I was a bit shaky, but then I hit my riding groove and it started feeling good. By the time I hit the 20km turnaround pointing me East with a tailwind and a gentle downhill slop, I was loving my bike.

Off to the run and I was actually feeling good. Especially since I was 2/3 done.
Unfortunately my feet had fallen asleep on my bike and they remained that way for at least three kilometers of the run. But they finally woke up and joined the party. I was the most concerned about the run portion of the race since my knees have been so bad and my training in this area suffered a bit due to that. But I actually finished it in about the time I thought I would.
When I rounded the corner and saw the finish line, I took off at a dead sprint. I was done! I got my medal, a bottle of water, my t-shirt and a hug.

Done. 3hours 22 minutes
And the first thought in my head was, “Thank God I’m done.”

Now, three days later, I can think back on the race and be happy with myself and my performance. Because, apart from the swim, I am pleased. But I also know my heart wasn’t into this race and I’ve been fighting that feeling for a few months now. I wasn’t excited about it,  I considered not participating and the overwhelming feeling when I finished was relief. Which makes me think…a lot.

Don’t get me wrong, it was a super fun day! And I AM happy that I did it. But I think it’s time I take some pressure off myself for awhile. So I’ve made the decision not to do anymore races this year. I will be participating as a team in a local Sprint team, which I think will be a ton of fun because I’m only one third of the race. And then…well, I don’t know. But I think it’s time that I spend a little time figuring it out.

What do you think? Have you ever had mixed feelings after reaching a goal?

This isn’t a technical term, well at least not that I know of, but it should be.

For me, a swickie will result during long distance training swims (when I wear a certain bathing suit) because I only breathe on one side, or during a lake swim when I wear a wetsuit. It can be prevented with a simple little product called Body Glide. But only if you use it…

I ran out…

Note to self, body butter does not work the same way.

Ouch!
Plus it looks stupid.

To-Do List for Today:

-Buy Body Glide

My goal triathlon is on Saturday. Clearly, you can see where my focus is right now. Next week the focus will be back on writing and completing a Castle Mountain Lodge short story with some of my favorite characters from the series!

At first glance, this piece of neoprene looks harmless. I mean really, how hard could it be to get into a wetsuit?

HARD.

First of all, the garment in question is about twenty sizes too small. At least it looks this way, although, as you wrangle it over your ass it will feel more like thirty sizes too small.

Second, it’s made of neoprene. THICK neoprene. Ya know, to protect us from certain hypothermia.

Third, the human body is not meant to glide easily into a twenty sizes too small neoprene glove. It’s. Just. Not.

Regardless, the wetsuit is essential. Particularly if you participate in triathlons in Canada where the race season is jammed into the months of May through September and it’s been known to snow at one time or another in each and every one of those months. Sure, it’s rare for it to snow in July or August but even if it doesn’t, I assure you that the lake will almost always feel like the ice just melted (in some cases, that’s an actual fact!) Such is the beauty of swimming in glacier fed lakes.

So, with my race only a few short weeks away, it was time for me to try on the wetsuit yet again, and jump in the lake. Joy.

I don’t mean to make it sound terrible, in fact, donning the suit can actually be quite fun and yet another opportunity to get up close and personal with your training partner as they pinch, pull and yank the suit up and over your ass. (Remember it’s at least thirty sizes too small.)

Actually getting the suit on involves slicking every inch of exposed skin with body glide, which isn’t nearly as sexy as it sounds, putting your feet (and sometimes hands) into plastic bags and then putting on gardening gloves (for grip) to tug, pull, sweat and sigh your way into the suit. By the time you actually get it zipped up, you’re sweating, exhausted and over heated.

I’m pretty sure the strategy behind exhausting yourself with the wetsuit is that by the time you’re stuffed inside, and have completed ‘the fourth event’ you’re actually begging to jump into the frigid waters just to cool off.

Now that I’ve made it sound really fun…are you ready to tri?

While I was writing the book, it quickly became clear that writing song lyrics is an extremely different skill set than writing a novel. One that I didn’t fully possess. I knew what I wanted to say…but it wasn’t coming out right. So I turned to someone who did know how to concisely capture emotions in music. That’s where Wildflower, a talented singing, songwriting, duo, comes in.

Dean Selby and Jennie Clarke are the talented two that make up Wildflower and they graciously let me use their lyrics as Whitney and Reid’s in the book.  Their song, Cracked, fit the story perfectly and really helped complete it.

To help me celebrate the launch of Composing Myself, Wildflower has graciously donated a free MP3 download for everyone who purchases an electronic copy of the book. So now, the music can come to life and you can listen to the song the way it was intended to be heard.

But time is running out.  The link for the song will disappear soon, so get it while you can! Grab your copy of Composing Myself, on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Kobo and Apple.

And… go check out Wildflower on Facebook so you can stay in the loop on their upcoming album.

As always, I’d love to hear what you think. Please send me an email, leave a review, or just say hi!

Over the years, I’ve become a bit better at censoring myself in certain situations, but when it’s important, or I feel it’s important, I say something. I’m not good at swallowing my feelings, and I’m certainly not good and keeping my mouth shut! I think this is a good thing (for the most part) because I’ve seen so many of the women in my life keep quiet when they should be doing anything but.

I have a daughter who shares many of my traits (for better and for worse, let’s be honest…) and one of the traits that she has in common with me, is this incredible ability to say exactly what she feels. When she feels it. All. The. Time.

Yes, this can be ‘challenging’ and when she was younger, and not quite as verbally eloquent, it was very difficult. But the trade off is that I know she’ll speak up. She’ll say what’s on her mind. If she sees a wrong, I have no doubt that she will say something to attempt to correct it. When she’s older and in a relationship, the person she’s with will know exactly where they stand. She won’t be silent.

And I’m so glad.

There will be times, when like me, she’ll get in trouble for speaking up. There will be times when it won’t be appreciated and people will be angry. BUT… there will be the times when she defends a friend. When she speaks out about an injustice at school or work. When she tells someone who is treating her poorly, exactly where to go…and hopefully, how to get there.

Recently, I heard the song, Brave, by Sara Bareilles for the first time. I downloaded it instantly (thank you Songza app) because the lyrics of this song are so powerful and the message is clear, “Say what you want to say, let the words fall out. Honestly. I want see you be brave.”

I can’t get this song out of my head, and I think it’s because of the message that I want to give to both of my kids…People aren’t always going to like what you have to say, but if it’s important, if you believe in it, SAY IT! Be brave.
If you haven’t heard it, do yourself a favor and check it out.
This is the official lyric video.

I wanna hear how ‘big your brave is’. What’s the hardest thing you’ve had to say? Or a time when you had to speak up?