Author Archives: Elena Aitken

Finding Grandma

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It has been one year today since we lost my Grandma.

I don’t know why people say that. “We lost her…”

What does that mean?  Did we lose her?
Sure, she’s not here in body anymore. I can no longer hug her and smell her ‘grandma’ smell that was always a little like baby powder, and a little like Chantilly lace perfume. I can no longer joke with her, or tell her stories. And no, I can no longer hear her laugh.

But I didn’t lose her.

Even without her physically with me, my Grandma is here with me everyday. Maybe more so in the last year then I ever realized she would be.
Usually when I write a book, something clicks with me emotionally, and when I started writing Composing Myself, I knew that like every other book I’d written, something about it would connect and strike an emotional chord.
What I didn’t count on was that writing this book would take me on such an emotional journey.

But it did.

When I set out to tell Whitney’s story in Composing Myself, I didn’t even plan on having a grandmother character. But soon, it became clear that Whitney needed Grams. She had a mother, she had a best friend, she had a boyfriend and she even had a new man in her life…but she needed someone she could share a relationship with in a way that was separate, unique and special in a way that only a grandparent and grandchild could experience.
As I wrote, the character of Grams was born, and soon she took on a lot of similarities to my own grandmother and the relationship we shared through the years. Throughout the process I would peak up to the pictures I have pinned on my cork board of my grandmother and I shortly before she passed, and they gave me strength. Those pictures also fueled my emotion and there were times I typed through a veil of tears that refused to stop. And there were some very hard scenes to write.

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I didn’t know it at the time, but looking back now, I think a great deal of writing Composing Myself was about working through some of the feelings I had of ‘losing’ my grandma and saying goodbye in my own way.

The character of Grams is not my grandmother, but she does have some similarities. I know my grandma would be proud of me and this book.

Most importantly, I know she is most definitely not ‘lost’. Through the writing, I found Grandma again in a way I never expected. She’s with me everyday.

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What do you think? How have the loved ones you’ve ‘lost’ stayed with you?

 

composing myself blurbComposing Myself, is now available and you can find it at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Kobo and Apple.

I Must Confess

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So, my first triathlon is a little over a month away and at this point in my training, I should be ready to go.
In theory.

This is where the confession part comes in. Now I’m sure you probably think I’m going to tell you that I didn’t do my training. That maybe I skipped out on the last five months of bike, swim and run workouts. BUT…no. I did them. No, not all of them. Sometimes life gets in the way. (I know, right!)

But I did follow the plan. I got my training hours in even when the last thing I wanted to do was sit on my bike in the dark basement on a blizzardy day.

My confession is this…I don’t feel ready. Not. One. Bit.

I have mere weeks before I’m supposed to swim, bike and run my way through an Olympic tri course and I’m scared. But only seriously scared of one part. (I’m also scared of the other parts, just to a lesser degree.)

I must confess, it’s the run that terrifies me. Many who know me, think this is strange. After all, I was a runner before I ever joined swim club. I was a runner long before I even considered purchasing a road bike, let alone actually hitting the road with one. I am a runner.

pinkshoes

These shoes are made for…running?

So, why am I terrified of the run?

Well, there’s the small detail that the run portion of a triathlon is conveniently located at the end of the race after I’ve already exhausted myself in the lake and on the bike. So…there’s that. It’s a wee bit scary to think about.

There’s also the small matter of my knees to consider. I have the knees of someone at least ten or fifteen years older than me, and a new tear in the meniscus of what was my ‘good knee’ doesn’t help. My crappy knees have never held me back from running before—although they do keep my physiotherapist in business—and they’re not stopping me from running right now. Not really. Although they do hurt and I can be a bit of a suck when something hurts. Which means I haven’t been all that excited to hit the road when I know it’s going to result in ouchy  (yes, that’s a technical term) knees.

But, no…that’s not the problem either.  Since I’m going for confessions here, I might as well admit what might be the real problem is when it comes to the run.
I’ve been thinking a lot about what it’s terrifying me, and I think it comes down to my last triathlon experience. I really, REALLY don’t want this run to go the way that one did. It was two years ago and when it came to training, I wasn’t worried about the run so I didn’t focus on training very hard for that portion of the race.

MISTAKE.

The course was hilly, my quads cramped, and let’s just say it was a terrible, horrible, no good, crappy run.

What if it happens again?

So, there it is. My confession. It’s all out in the open. We’re only weeks away from my first triathlon and I’m scared. Backing out isn’t an option, so I’ll spend the remaining training time I have, staying as close to the plan as possible and focusing on the run. I will do it. Hopefully it will be a tad prettier then last time.

Phew, they say that confession is good for the soul. I feel better already. Now, who wants to go for a run?

What about you? What do you want to confess? AND…seriously, who wants to go for a run?

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composing myself blurb**Hey, in case you missed it…my new novel, Composing Myself, is now available! You can find it at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Kobo and Apple.

Composing Myself

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I am thrilled that it is finally May 1! And not just because Spring is (hopefully) on the way, but because my latest book, Composing Myself, is officially launched.
I always put a lot of myself into every book, but this one is special in so many ways. I’m so proud of this book because it’s very close to my heart and I truly hope you will enjoy it as well.
composing myself blurb

I’ve done something really special with this project as well and teamed up with the very talented singing-songwriting duo, Wildflower. Throughout the book, you’ll see their lyrics. And to help celebrate the launch of, Composing Myself, we’re giving away exclusive acoustic mp3 tracks of their song, Cracked, with every purchase of the book.
new release

Composing Myself is available at Amazon—Nook—Kobo—Apple

The best way to help an author, is to spread the word. So please share with your friends.
And… if you read, Composing Myself, I’d love to hear what you think!
Thank you for your support!

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