It’s coming. The S-E-X talk. I know it is. And, if I’m being honest, maybe it should have happened already. But… it hasn’t. My kids are nine and a half and no, I’m not naive. And no, I don’t live in a pretty little bubble (although some days I’d like to.) So…I am aware that I need to have THE TALK.
Quite honestly, life gets busy and I haven’t really given the topic a ton of thought lately. I mean, Lincoln and I did have a little chat about the eggs the other day while I was making breakfast. 
Lincoln: “Those eggs could have been chickens.”
Me: “True,” I said, cracking an egg into the bowl. “But they’re not.”
Lincoln: “Because the male chicken didn’t come by.”
Me: “Rooster.”
Lincoln: “Yeah, whatever. The rooster didn’t come by.”
Me: Sensing an opening for an honest conversation. “What do you mean”
Lincoln: “Well if the rooster comes by, they become chickens.”
Me: “Just like that?”
Lincoln: “Yup.”
Me: “Okay.”
Lincoln watches The Discovery Channel quite a bit and so it really shouldn’t come as too much of a shock that he might know a little something about the subject. But was I being (pardon the pun) a chicken for not using the egg conversation as a lead in for THE TALK? Um…yup. But come on, it was 7:30 in the morning, I was hungry and really, I need more than one cup of coffee for that.
Fast forward about a week, and I’m in the car with a bunch of girlfriends coming home from a night out. The conversation somehow shifted to the topic of our kids and, I’m fuzzy on the details here, and the topic of sex and when to have THE TALK. It became
Now, I’ll be honest, I’ve always thought of myself as the type of parent who would be very open with the kids about everything and would encourage them to come to me with questions and concerns as they get older. And…sigh…I am still trying to be that parent. But…but…
So, I’ve decided that the time has come.The kids are in grade four now and apparently part of the curriculum is sex ed. Okay. I can deal with this. BUT, I want to make sure I give them some facts before they get to the classroom. (Plus, I’m pretty sure Lincoln knows quite a bit more than he’s letting on with the chicken story.)
A few months ago, on a writing weekend, my friends Leanne, Trish and Gigi and I watched this YouTube video. (Yes, we do actually write on those weekends too.) But now every time I think about having THE TALK, I think about Julia Sweeney and how she explained things to her daughter. The video is just over ten minutes, but I promise you it’s worth a watch. If you’re thinking about having the sex talk, have had it, or are just looking for a laugh…this is hilarious. I REALLY hope my experience goes a bit smoother with fewer questions. But knowing my kids…well, let’s just say there better be red wine.
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So, please. Tell me your funniest stories about THE TALK. With your own kids or maybe your parents when you were a kid. Spill it!
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Oh lord. LOL!! My Mom was super up front and honest. I have no idea how old I was when she had the “talk” but it was super early. I think like 6 or 7 years old. She also had this great illustration book that went along with the “talk”. I then took the book to school and proceeded to inform ALL of my friends and then some about sex and have the talk with them. I am sure those parents were really LUVIN’ Mom when she got the call to come get ME and the BOOK! LOL!! But it’s always been a VERY open topics (then and now) and there’s not much I am afraid to go to her with so I say…bit the bullet and just shoot straight from the hip and you’ll be JUST fine!
Oh, that is early. And really… I cannot imagine you telling all your friends about sex, really? No, not you.
LOVE it!
I know I’ll be fine. I have a feeling it’s going to go very well. Thanks, Nat.
Oh man…if it hadn’t been for my aunties, I’d have been completely clueless.
Mom NEVER approached the topic. I think she grew up in such a stifling environment she couldn’t address such things. As the oldest of many siblings, she was the one who set the standard and by the time my younger aunties came along, the grandparents had figured out how to discuss it.
Sex education is fine for the basic biology but I think it’s a great idea if the kids get some additional ideas about how you want them to view sex and whether or not they’re going to come to you with questions. Tough stuff. We have a few more years before we get there. When I taught little kids, the third graders loved to ask questions and we always deflected back with, “that’s a special talk to have with mom and dad.”
Kids are naturally curious and nature offers awesome opportunities to illustrate what’s going on…visit the zoo for the evening tour and be prepared. I just had to explain to the five year old what the fruit bats were doing (while hanging upside down), “Mama! Look! They’re rubbing their tummies together!”
Yes. Yes, they were.
Oh, yes…so many opportunities have come up and I’ve always been really honest and explained everything.
But…for some reason, having the actual talk freaks me a little. I think it’s because I can totally anticipate the questions they’re each going to ask. And oh man, they’re going to be different!
Ok Elena – I’ll be waiting for the follow-up post. We’ve all been through it and survived and I know you will do just fine. I had this conversation so long ago it’s all a bit foggy but I do remember I did have a book with illustrations as back-up when the kids wanted the conversation to wrap up. (They remind me about it to this day!)
Oh, there will be a follow up, Patricia! ha ha
I do remember my mom having a book as well. I know there are some good ones, I just need to go searching. And then maybe leave it laying around to spark the conversation…
My mom never told me anything and I had to learn either from my sisters (who like to give me wrong information to mess with me), or from my friends who were almost as bad. Because of that, I kept an open dialogue with my daughter from the moment she was born. Probably in utero, as well. When she had sex ed in school (fifth grade here), I would tell her and her friends in the car, ‘Say it loud, say it proud, Vagina! Penis!’ and they would just D.I.E. It was hilarious (for me). I did the same thing to my son, but this time my daughter would join in and we’d laugh silly about it. Needless to say, neither kid is all that impressed with my teaching skills, but they aren’t shy about anything either.
The hardest part was when my daughter decided it was ‘time’ and wanted to talk to me about it. Ugh. After all my ‘openness’ speeches, that was one day I never wanted to have. I’m such a hypocrite! We got through it and she still talks very openly with me about her boyfriends. Yikes. I’ve told my husband he gets to go through that with the Boy. I’m out.
OMG Tameri! I love it! My daughter dies from embarrassment when I shoulder dance in the car if her friends are there (although she totally joins me when we’re alone!) I can imagine her reaction if I started yelling out ‘penis!’ I totally have to try it…
As for having the talk about the ‘time’. Oh man…let me get through this one and pray that the ‘time’ talk doesn’t happen for a long time!
My mum found the easy way out – she gave me some books to read
That video was hilarious.
Thanks for stopping by!
The video IS hilarious isn’t it? Totally puts in perspective. I’m hoping I don’t mess it up quite that bad. ha ha
You’ll do just fine Elena. Just remember your daughter already knows the word vagina, (the wind story). I see a whole blog post on that one! You have been an awesome Mom so far so you will ace this as well!
I can’t wait to hear how it turns out. Also, I’m watching closely to see how you do it so I know how to do it next year. I’m following your lead! (as always)
Maybe you can use these dolls!
NSFW:
http://thechive.files.wordpress.com/2012/03/wtf-funny-8.jpg
that is SO bad! I’m totally sending them over to Uncle Royce’s house for a chat. And remember…paybacks a bitch!
LOL Elena! This is a interesting time for me to jump in here since I don’t make it by too often. What a subject. But I am so glad that it’s out in the open. I was raised very much like Tamari. No one talked to me and I was the oldest. No fun. So I was very open with our sons. I talked to them more than their father did and I still kid them and they are much older. I love to embarrass them. Yeah, it’s payback time. So even though this isn’t the most comfortable subject, talk, talk, talk to them until you’re blue in the face because these kids know more than we think and sooner. Which is scary, but true. May the force be with you Elena!
I think honesty builds a strong bond between parent and child. They understand what it’s like to talk about tough stuff. My theory is by modeling your willingness to discuss tough topics when they are young increases your chances to be talked to when they have tough subjects in their lives later on. Just my opinion and is my philosophy. I have two children out of the house, girls, 25 & 26 andy two still at home, boys, 13 & 16.
Different personalities take it differently and assimilate the modeling differently but one thing is for sure, they know I’m willing and available. That’s all I know to do.
Excellent post, Elena.